Now there’s a question!
Many of us prescribe to the “normal”, socially accepted life strategy, the one that society deems suitable for a life well spent:
BIRTH – SCHOOL – WORK – MARRIAGE – KIDS – RETIREMENT – DEATH
Of course, the middle section is not always in that particular order, but you catch my drift. But, did you ever think that this does not need to be the way of things? That we live in an age where we can choose our own path, our own strategy to live “our best lives”.
How would that look?
It may mean learning skills in our younger years that set us up for self employment and independence, allowing us the freedom to spend our time as we see fit. That university and colleges become a place where gaining a degree will in fact lead you into a job you want and love and not be a box ticking exercise to get you to round 2 of interviews.
Are we really on this earth to work for 50 years, our prime years, spending limited time with those we love, with travel crammed into the 2 – 4 weeks off you get a year, caged into our routine because we’ve got a mortgage we can just afford, on a house that you pretty much just sleep in, 2 brand new cars in the driveway that are maybe used a couple of hours a day and sit in a car park when you’re at work. Seriously, what is this nonsense? Is this genuinely what we think “life” is? Accumulating things that shout out to the world, “hey, look at me, I’ve made it”, only to feel that you’re not quite as good as that other person at work who’s just bought a more expensive house, a better car, a more luxurious holiday, the sense of disappointment that somehow, after all you’ve done, you’re failing.
This is exactly how we used to be. Exactly what we used to think. We both had good jobs, we bought a house that was, for us, huge! It had 3 bedrooms, a dining room, a terrace and huge garden, it was in a prestigious location, a lovely leafy street, surrounded by other professional couples and their families. We had the 2 cars on our sloped driveway (we both worked at the same office, just let that sink in, we drove to the same place everyday). We used the dining room once, had friends stay in the spare rooms on one weekend, we never sat out on the terrace and we hated gardening, what on earth where we thinking!
Oh and of course there was my slight shopping addiction. Working next to the city centre, I would spend my lunch hour and weekends shopping for clothes, shoes, accessories, spending money on expensive dinners out, booze, visiting the hair salon once a month, weekends away in fancy hotels, more shopping. I didn’t need any of the items I bought, I had 2 enormous wardrobes packed with clothes, shoes and bags, but it just felt like it was never enough, that I wasn’t enough without these things.
I’d love to say that we had an epiphany and our lives changed overnight. We did start to make some changes, selling the house, the cars and moving abroad, but it took us almost 8 years to finally see what our version of a good life looked like, that we could in fact cast off the material, freeing ourselves of many of the current lifestyle financial burdens that we believed we couldn’t do without.
I think we’ve learned a few things that we wished we’d known about 10 years ago, which is kind of why I wanted to take this opportunity to just write some of it down in case just one person finds it helpful.
Take the time now to look through your life, where do you spend your time, your money, do these things make you happy, make you feel fulfilled? If yes, well done to you, you’re one of the fortunate people, but if you’re like many others, the answer is mainly no.
What would you like to do?
Make a list, go on, humour me.
In this list, imagine the next year, the 365 days ahead, and how, if you could be and do anything you wanted, would that year look. Would you spend more time with family and friends? Would you travel to that place you’ve always wanted to visit? Would you finally pay off that credit card debt? Would you learn a new skill that would help you make a career change? Would you spend time on yourself, perhaps getting fit or maybe taking time for self care to de-stress and relax? Visualise the person you want to be and the life you want to live.
Once you have your list, think about how you might make these things happen.
(All of the following recommendations are just that, my personal recommendations from what I currently do – these are not paid for or sponsored in any way – just thought I’d mention!)
Work/Life Balance
Do you enjoy your job? That’s quite an important question. It’s where you spend most of your time throughout your life. If you don’t enjoy it, ask yourself why that is and is there anything at all you can do to change that. Perhaps it’s figuring out if you can afford to go part time, yes you may need to cut back on particular things but the time you get back to yourself is always worth it.
Can you train to do something else?
It’s never too late to start something new, follow a passion, or start again somewhere else. This doesn’t always apply to everyone, I know, many people may have a variety of responsibilities, families, big mortgage, debts etc which mean that the steady job they have is vital regardless of whether or not they enjoy it. So if this happens to be you, then it’s important to look at ways to maximise your enjoyment outside of work. Know that in this case, work is a means to an end and treat it thus. What’s that saying again “Work to live, not live to work”.
Paying off the credit card/student loan etc.
Start off by keeping a money journal (this honestly helps no end). Writing down everything you have bought (and I mean absolutely everything) can be an incredible eye opener as to where that money pit seems to be. When you have to write it down, it makes you stop and think “wait a minute, do I actually need this?” and can help stop you from buying crap you just don’t need!
Once you’ve ascertained where you are over-spending, you can adjust accordingly, ciphering that money into paying off debt or perhaps just putting it towards something you want to save for.
One thing I would check first and foremost is Monthly Subscriptions you don’t or no longer use. I was paying for Amazon Prime, I didn’t even realise I had it. I had signed up for that month free trial and completely forgot about it… never used it once and I paid for it for about 8 months!
So definitely go through your account and make sure you know what each direct debit is for and that you actually need it. If not, cancel it immediately!
Spending time with family and friends
Do you find that you get straight home, kick off the shoes, turn the telly on and settle in for the night? I hear you, it’s what I used to look forward to most. Weekends spent binge watching TV, or in most other cases, trying to survive a hang-over from hell! Try planning something mid-week with someone/people you want to spend time with (they need notice too of course, otherwise this won’t work!), something as simple as going for a walk, grabbing a coffee, or getting together for a night in chatting or just watching a movie. Many times, it’s just nice to be around people, not necessarily doing something action packed, simply being in the same room, relaxed and enjoying the company.
Pack that bag and start travelling
Depending on your schedule, this could mean a single night, week, fortnight or a month away! Check out skyscanner for flight prices, peruse Airbnb or bookings.com for accommodation, there are plenty of deals out there to be had. If you just have a night, then check groupon for some options, a spa day or a stay in a gorgeous hotel or bed and breakfast.
We have found some amazing deals on Airbnb, especially last minute. For us, just planning a break away is one of the best parts!
Learn something new
This is something that was on my own “list”, I have found that youtube tutorials are an amazing resource. You do need to trawl through a lot of accounts that aren’t the right fit for you, but when you come across a youtuber you like, it can open a lot of creative doors for you and get you inspired.
For me, it was design and photography. I had a recommended video come up on my feed for Will Paterson and he is awesome, not only have I learned a lot from him, but through his videos I found Skillshare.com which has sky rocketed my learning these past 5 months. It got me interested in hand lettering and calligraphy, something I never ever saw myself trying, but I’m enjoying it no end.
I’ve also learned how to give a proper massage (keep it clean people!), but there are thousands of classes to choose from and just picking something you’ve never thought of doing before can be exhilarating and give you new ideas.
For photography and cinematography, Peter McKinnon on youtube is top of my list. His videos always bring a smile to my face, he has a contagious energy that just gets you geared up for learning and I have definitely learned a lot from him.
If you are interested in photography and learning more, try out Mango Street, again, amazing videos from professionals who just inspire you to get out there and practice.
If you are short of time and just want a taster of topics, Ted Talks are fantastic. I’ve learned about Artificial Intelligence, Space Travel, Urban Planning, Biology, Physics, Travel, Human Kindness, the Loneliness Pandemic, Architecture and so much more. These small snippets can really give you an introduction into topics you never even knew you were interested in.
Self-care
Self care means a lot of different things to a lot of people.
For me, this is yoga and exercise. But at home. I love having the freedom to practice and work out on my own terms and schedule. If you want to try out yoga, I can highly recommend Five Parks Yoga (I have another post here reviewing this channel here) and also DDP Yoga.
Tony Horton’s P90x is a fantastic program for those of you who love structure to their workouts, with a plan of what you have to do each day. We have done this plan twice and the way this can change your body is insane!
Blogilates on youtube is a great channel for quick workouts that you can pick and choose from, or follow her calendar plan for a set routine.
I’ve also tried out classes on youtube by Popsugar fitness, Body By Simone and Tracy Anderson Method all of which are pretty cool.
But more exercise might not be your idea of self care. It might mean having an hour to yourself, to sit and read, to have a long soak in the bath, to treat yourself to a massage, anything really that gets you relaxed, allows you to exhale and just find a little bit of peace in your hectic schedule.
I shall give your weary eyes a rest now, if you’ve made it this far!
To sum this up though, our lives are completely different from 10 years ago. We both re-trained and work independently from wherever we choose to call home. We have lots of time together and for ourselves. We read, we talk, we listen to podcasts, we watch Ted Talks, we are always learning new things, we travel, we visit family and friends, we laugh and we smile a lot.
We got rid of the one car we had and walk everywhere or jump on a bus or train. Through our learning phase we’ve had the time to really stop and look at how we live and as a result we’ve both been vegan for over 6 years now, one of the biggest life changes for us which has been the best thing!
We still keep a money journal to make sure that we’re using our money in the best way. I can say I am no longer a shop-a-holic. I minimised my wardrobe, which in itself is incredibly therapeutic and I only ever buy new things when I need them, which isn’t very often anymore.
We feel good about life, and to me, that is what it’s all about!
