If you had sat me down this time last year and told me that I would be taking part in the Great North Run 2022 I’d have scoffed at you. Never in a million years would I have believed that I would successfully finish a half marathon. I’ve always been a bit of a gym bunny, but never running. I’m all arms and legs and have all the grace of a tranquilized giraffe. But, here I am writing about how, on 11 September 2022, I ran the Great North Run and I ran it pretty well.
I started running back in February 2021, just 6 weeks after losing my husband Martin to esophageal cancer. Completely lost without him and in the middle of lock down, I just didn’t know what to do with my days that might help me try and cope with the overwhelming sadness, pain and loss.
I was becoming stagnant, caught in a cyclone of not wanting to do anything at all. Each morning just lying in bed staring at the ceiling, not wanting to look at the empty space beside me, just wanting to sleep. How does the Jessica Mauboy song go (or Avicii depending on your preference) “so wake me up when it’s all over”. That’s me. Every morning I hope that it’s the end of this horrible nightmare that I just can’t seem to wake from.
But each morning is the same and nothing has changed, so I had to find something, anything, that might give me some kind of purpose. That’s when I read about running for your mental health. I had absolutely nothing to lose, so I went online and ordered some running shoes, yoga tights, gloves and a long sleeved running top (it was February after all, it was bloody cold). In the first week of February I coaxed my niece into joining me in my attempt to go Couch to 5km.
It did not go well… you think you have a particular level of fitness until you set out for a run and realise that your lungs are about to give out on you and that’s just putting on the running tights!
The plan was to run a little, walk a little, in that formation… there was a lot of walking. But, being outside, the crisp wintry air and the sun shining, it did actually boost my mood a little and so I tried it again, and again, and again and slowly I could feel myself getting better at the whole running malarkey. The first time I ran 5km without stopping felt like I’d won an Olympic gold and then I kept pushing on.
The time I spend running, helped along with Martin’s Spotify playlist, I go through memories of my life with Martin. Relive travels or just our day to day life. See Martin smile, hear him laugh. Some days it makes me feel ok and others it can have me sobbing on a quiet park bench. I hit a bit of a wall after 6 months, where running wasn’t making me feel better, I was beginning to almost dread going for a run, so I didn’t go as often as I could have, sometimes missing weeks at a time. I needed to have something to focus on, a goal of some kind. I took part in the Race For Life 10km back in September 2021, more of a “fun run” than a competitive event, but raising money for charity was a great incentive. Later on in 2021 I saw the hospice that took care of Martin post on social media that there was an early bird opportunity to sign up for the 2022 Great North Run, I felt it was almost fated that I sign up. And sign up I did.
So now I had to go from 5/10km runs to 21.1km. I was in need of a training plan, quickly. Having scoured the internet and running forums, I happened upon Runners World and their array of training plans. They had a lot of good choices, plans for finishing in a particular time or just to get around the course. I opted for the sub 2:15 as I thought this would push me but still be achievable. It was a 12 week plan and I stuck to it religiously and slowly, but surely I began to see a change in my running and my overall fitness levels.
In this time I also started doing the local park run, which is a 5km route, and found it strangely competitive, not with other people, but with getting a PB each and every time, so competing with last week’s me. I even took part in a park run in beautiful Lucca, Italy which was just wonderful as it was a place that Martin and I loved.
On 3rd July 2022, I took part in the Great North 10km run, this was going to help me gauge my fitness level and also get my first taste of such a packed run (really nothing in comparison to the 60,000 runners of the GNR), you see I do not like crowds, at all… especially crowds that are watching you run… I refer back to my tranquilized giraffe comparison. I got a time of 54:28 which I was over the moon with and experienced my first “Runners high”, it’s really a thing and I liked it, I needed more of this feeling. So this really spurred me on, the longer runs, the faster pace, all working towards this half marathon. The first time I ran the full distance in training, I was elated, I’m pretty sure I did a bit of a victory dance, much to the amusement of the cyclists and dog walkers passing me by, but it felt like such an accomplishment. It felt like I had achieved something that Martin would be super chuffed about.
Come September 11th 2022, I was ready. I was good to go. Charity vest and number, check, fully charged phone and earphones, check, house key tied in my shoe laces, check. I imagined Martin’s pep talk for me, had my breakfast, stretched and then set off to make my way to the start line.
What an incredible atmosphere, thousands upon thousands of people all descend upon the city centre and all the way along the route, the streets lined with spectators and well wishers hoping to catch a glimpse of someone they know. Runners all hyped up waiting on their time to shine and get over the start line. The wacky costumes… credit to those people, they must have been boiling in some of those outfits. There were running nuns, firemen, Marge Simpson, unicorns, Vikings, superheroes, giant pandas and even 2 chaps running with a replica of the Tyne Bridge.
It somehow passed in a blur, one minute I’m crossing the iconic bridge and feeling the enormity of the day, the next I’m cruising past Heworth and then I’m on Prince Edward Road heading down a crazy steep hill to make my turn on to the final stretch along the coast.
I seemed to find a real surge of energy as I picked up the pace on the last kilometre, I think, perhaps, the memory of Martin running along this road to go get the car back in October 2020 instilled this lovely feeling that he was running with me. It was almost my undoing as well as I could feel the tears coming, so I was trying really hard not to openly blub my way on the last stretch, I wanted to finish strong and I did. Crossing the finishing line at 2 hours, 6 minutes and 39 seconds and walking to go pick up my medal, I was physically buzzing. Emotionally, I was a mess, all the training, all the focus, all leading up to this one day and now it was over. I knew it wasn’t going to be my last half marathon, I need this feeling in my life.
I’m not going to lie and say that running has fixed anything, what I will say is that when I am running and for a short while after a good run, I feel, something. I feel boosted and that is why I run 4 times a week, to keep my mood topped up. I now actually look forward to running, purely because I see it as a “pick me up”, it’s an addictive feeling. It also fills my time in a more productive way than what I was doing before. Long may that continue.
So if you are looking for something that might boost your mood or to give you something to focus on that might help to take your mind off particular feelings, then I do highly recommend lacing up your trainers and starting a running journey. Remember, don’t be disheartened if it’s hard at first, it really does get easier the more you run… I’ve gone from staggering giraffe to a modest T-Rex, my hands just want to flap around my ribs!
Much love xx
