I have lost count of the number of times I have sat down to write this. I first wanted to post around June 2021, I couldn’t, then at the beginning of 2022 and again, I just couldn’t.

But I think I have to. I suppose I don’t think it’s fair to post for so many years about our adventures and the things we shared regarding all aspects of our lives, be it travel, going vegan or our love of all things fitness, then leave out the hardest part, the part that many of us, at some point, may have to go through.

My beautiful husband Martin passed away on 21st December 2020. He was 46. It was completely out of the blue, we had no idea that he was sick. It was just 26 days, from the diagnosis to saying goodbye to my soul mate. Even now, 17 months later, I still do not want to believe that he is gone, and keep expecting him to walk in and ask me if I missed him.

And I do miss him. Every second of every day. The very best half of me is gone. The immense joy Martin brought into my life every day, the smiles, the laughter, the hugs, all the wonderful things that made him the kindest, most lovable man, they remind me all the time that I was loved.

You will know from this blog that Martin and I did not live a half life. We crammed in so many adventures, so many experiences, our bucket list was pretty much all done, and in those last 26 days, Martin would reflect and say that he was glad we had all that time together, to travel, to read, to learn and that he had no regrets.

I always used to send my posts to Martin to check over and to get his take on things and I think that he would approve of me getting back to this blog, to talk about him, to share how I’m trying to exist in this new reality. I’m hoping that having this to focus on might in fact be a kind of therapy for me, as I feel closer to him doing the things we did together and in talking about Martin it keeps him with us always.

I saw a quote the other day and it keeps ringing in my head and seems fitting…

“But thy eternal summer shall not fade”

Martin was genuinely inspirational. He was so incredibly brave. He will always be with me.